Mixed Emotions

Last week was full of a variety of emotions. Emotions of sadness

Sadness for leaving my good friends behind, for leaving a house that we loved and had so many good memories in, for leaving Spanish Vista ward were we felt so loved and taken care of, moving further away from were Josh and I work, not being able to say goodbye the way I would have wanted to to everyone who has been in our lives the last 2 1/2 years(because of the rush to get out in 3 days).

All the sadness came from leaving the place we called "HOME."

Emotions of relief

We felt relieved 2 days before we had to move out. That was the day we signed the papers and the new owners bought our home. We have had our home up for sale since January and kept on hoping and praying it would sale. Finally, it happened and we are out of our large financial burden.

Emotions of gratitude

We know without a doubt that it was God who took care of this situation. We feel so grateful for so much as of right now.We feel grateful for family and their hospitality and kindness to share and help us out during these hard times. Gratitude for the health of Baby James is huge as he has been such a happy, on the move little budz, who creates our recreational enjoyment and moments of great laughter and smiles. We feel blessed to have a roof over our head, food on the table, clothes on our back, friends who we love and they love us, the ability to work, the opportunities to grow spiritually and mentally and for the love that we feel from one another as a small little family. Moreover, we feel so grateful to know what we know- and that is that our Father in Heaven has a plan for us and even through the thick and the thin he is there for us. There are many times where I feel weak and know that I would not be able to be where I am today without his love and support that I feel when I get on my knees and talk to him. I feel blessed to know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will always make us feel at peace. They are the ones who keep me going. I am so glad I have the opportunity to go to the temple and renew the promises we make. I love going and forgetting the world and being in a place so pure and out of the world. I always leave wanting to be a better person.

Emotions of being humbled

This situation in our life has defiantly welcomed humility. I have found it so easy to give and help others, yet I have found it hard to allow others to help me. I think the Savior works in mysterious ways as he allows us to go through experiences that we never would imagine. All in all I have really become humbled and have been given the ability to really see with different eyes trials that others must face as well. I think humility is something that is hard, yet a blessing at the same time. It has really made me think in greater depth of how the Savior places others in our lives to help us and be there for us, when he can not visually be there for us. I have been humbled now that we have had to downsize and are very appreciative with those who have helped us out during these tough times.

Time of learning

I have learned a great lesson through this big change of life ( leaving friends, a ward and a place we called home) and that is that God will never leave your side. I had one of those days where you feel alone, worthless and like you just want to give up. I burst into tears and let everything out. As I was driving, I stopped on the side of the road and at that moment all I wanted to do was to sit on Gods lap, be hugged and told that everything was okay and that he loved me. As I sat there sobbing, I prayed to feel that and to have him wrap his arms around me. Seconds later I felt at peace and knew he heard me. It is these moments in our lives, where we don't know what to do or where to turn that God will always give us what we desire if our hearts are in the right place. I have learned a meaningful lesson of what is really important in life- and that is my sweet baby James and my husband, who mean the world to me. It is not the material things that bring great joy and memories, but it is the people I love and am surrounded by. I can deal with the moving and leaving temporary things behind, yet I really do not think I could deal with sickness or death of my 2 babes. Thus, I say thank you for letting me realize what is really important and to treasure health everyday.

So here begins a new chapter in our lives....................